Jocelyn Explains Toby, Dave & Ian Explain XKCD

Awesome meme alert.

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 18:35:38 -0500

Dear everyone who is still following this tumblr even though I (theoretcially) never update it,

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:35:39 -0400

I fail to understand your motives, but am pleased to have the opportunity to spam you all with the news that I’ve started a tumblcast. It’s called 6:50. It’s awesome, and you can listen to it here.

Why do I have 9 grillion new followers?

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 02:41:00 -0400

I told you guys this blog isn’t happening anymore. XKCD Explained isn’t even happening anymore. If you want to follow something that is happening, this is me, this is me making fun of hipsters, and this is me being employed by Dan Savage to make fun of Rick Santorum.

XKCD still sucks.

Love, Jocelyn

p.s. I also like videos. And having 10,000 tumblrs, obviously.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE "FETCH" HAPPEN! IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN!

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 10:09:35 -0500

And neither is this blog. I don’t know why y’all are still following it. You know what is happening though? These blogs. Follow them instead.

Little Hipsters

O! You Pretty Things

xkcdexplained: The Author has chosen to again describe the...

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 23:30:15 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The Author has chosen to again describe the First Principle of Nerd Dominance: Knowledge (however useless) is social credit. But we also catch a glimpse of the Fourth Principle of Nerd Dominance: “There is no such thing as a subject not worth arguing over.”

The Author demonstrates this by first showing an argument that has existed for thousands of years and shapes entire world politics. He then contrasts it with the outburst of “Frank,” who recalls an obscure and largely forgotten territorial dispute with no bearing on anyone’s life as a way to be technically correct at the expense of another nerd. For any socially adjusted person, this action would be beyond tedious and ultimately futile. But Frank, being a nerd who is seeking to rise in the Nerd Dominance Hierarchy, knows that even such tiny quibbles can elevate his status in the eyes of other nerds.

Don’t forget the Ninth Principle of Nerd Dominance: self-referrential jokes.

xkcdexplained: The Author is not in college, but wishes he still...

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:25:22 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The Author is not in college, but wishes he still was because that was the last time he felt purpose and direction in his life. To deal with these feelings, he makes up little stories like this Work to vicariously live out his idealized version of college dorm life.
The reality of dorm life is far less glamorous, and it’d be far more likely that instead of a scientifically enthusiastic Frenchman waking a you up, it would be a wave of vomit-stench and bubbling noises as a roommate throws up on everyone’s shoes again.

TDI obviously went to large state schools, as their idea of college is typical of the experience there. Had they gone to a smaller school with a more dedicated student body, they might not hate on college so much. Maybe.

xkcdexplained: Aphasia is a difficulty with language, the guy...

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:45:59 -0400

xkcdexplained:

Aphasia is a difficulty with language, the guy in the hat is being overtly literal, quine is a program that produces its own source code and orcs are a reference to The Lord of The Ring.

Jesus Christ.

xkcdexplained: The Author hates women. Maybe he wouldn’t...

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:44:46 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The Author hates women.

Maybe he wouldn’t hate them so much if he wasn’t such a socially retarded dink.

xkcdexplained: Younger, more technologically knowledgeable...

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:43:43 -0400

xkcdexplained:

Younger, more technologically knowledgeable people do things differently from those that are older and know less about technology.

It figures that the first XKCD Explained I explain after my grandma (aka my favorite person) died explains an XKCD about old people. FUCK YOU, XKCD GUY! THANKS FOR RUBBING IT IN!

xkcdexplained: The Author has taken a cliché (Indian burial...

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 11:18:05 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The Author has taken a cliché (Indian burial ground) and combined it with a twist (two levels of desecration).

In other news, Garfield likes lasagna.

Marmaduke is really big, Blondie is really offensive, and the Family Circus is really dumb.

xkcdexplained: The Author has made a comic about an extremely...

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 12:35:51 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The Author has made a comic about an extremely common observation. It is his hope that the prevalence of this often-noticed oddity will send shockwaves of “agreement chuckles” through our nation.

What about “thank you, Captain Obvious” groans? Because that’s what I just did.

xkcdexplained: Because the driver would hear the honking noise...

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 12:14:10 -0400

xkcdexplained:

Because the driver would hear the honking noise and think it was actually happening in real life. This would make him very confused.

I am going to ignore the dependent clause masquerading as a sentence in the above explanation in order to point out that this particular edition of XKCD is really, really weird. It’s even weird for XKCD guy. Also, it doesn’t make any sense. I even went to xkcd.com to check out the alt text, but it was no help at all. In fact, it managed to convince me that XKCD guy has finally lost it. I bet the next one is about torturing kittens or beheading that smart-ass girl who’s always showing him up or becoming a libertarian or something.

xkcdexplained: The man in the hat wishes to sell Viagra to the...

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:36:25 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The man in the hat wishes to sell Viagra to the other males in line for a full-body x-ray (in order to make their penises look bigger).

Obscure technology reference is combined with male insecurity about penis size.

In the above explanation, TDI have failed not only to construct a sentence (“obscure technology reference” is just begging for an article), but also to acknowledge the fact that this particular edition of XKCD is actually kind of funny.

xkcdexplained: A series of pornographic film clichés meet in a...

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 02:03:59 -0400

xkcdexplained:

A series of pornographic film clichés meet in a room through a well-thought-out series of wacky occurrences. Rather than all fucking each other (what was expected) they instead play a geek board game (unexpected therefor humorous).

The Reader is drawn in by the concept of sex, and is then delited to see a reference to geek subculture.

I didn’t even realize that it was possible not to know how to spell “delighted.”

xkcdexplained: A man, the Author, attempts to use a...

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 03:46:58 -0400

xkcdexplained:

A man, the Author, attempts to use a pore-cleansing strip to alleviate his facial acne. In a humorous twist the cosmetic strip is too sticky and therefor rips his skull from his head. This is funny because it could not actually happen.

The Author is using the stereotype that geeks, his audience, typically have acne on their faces. The acne is not a reaction to the geekiness, but a cause for it. When one has an unattractive or different outward appearance, it can be more difficult to gain acceptance into traditional social circles. It is for this reason that counter-cultures exist - to give the fat, ugly and stupid a place to feel welcome.

I don’t know, TDI. I’m not entirely sure that the joke here is that geeks have acne. I think the joke may actually be that while watching commercials for pore strips, XKCD guy has a resulting thought process that is kind of unique: rather than becoming enticed to go buy some pore strips like a normal person, XKCD guy imagines outrageous scenarios that might ensue if pore strip use went horribly wrong. There’s nothing wrong with thinking things like that - we all do it once in a while. No, the problem with this particular edition of XKCD is that XKCD guy is operating under the deeply flawed assumption that his personal mental ramblings are actually funny. They’re not.

Also, I really need to get some pore strips. Thanks for reminding me.

xkcdexplained: The Author saw the film Inception and it...

Fri, 06 Aug 2010 13:13:46 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The Author saw the film Inception and it confused him. He decided to make a comic strip about himself and a squirrel as most visual learners tend to do when frustrated.

Don’t you think people who reference Inception should be required to point out that they’re referencing Inception? I mean SOME of us are trapped in our home towns all summer where the only people we know are our family, and all of our cousins want to see Despicable Me, so we haven’t gotten around to seeing Inception yet because the thought of going alone is just a LITTLE to lame to bear. So, you know, we don’t get the reference…

Uh… XKCD sucks. Whatever.

xkcdexplained: Because the word “Savannah” sounds like...

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 01:23:00 -0400

xkcdexplained:

Because the word “Savannah” sounds like “savanna” a female student incorrectly assumes that her professor is mocking her gender (those that descended from the savanna regions of Africa). Actually, he was simply stating that her parents, who reside in Savannah, Georgia raised her poorly.

The point of this comic, other than to introduce the world to another hilarious pun, is to let all women know that they should stop running their mouths off all of the time and think long-and-hard before attempting to form any opinions.

I guess I shouldn’t have taken all that calculus (or formed any of those opinions I have) then.

UPDATE: Why does the girl in this particular edition of XKCD have a wang?

Can more people please vote 'no' on this?

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 21:24:08 -0400

Can more people please vote 'no' on this?

xkcdexplained: In order to feel superior to religious people,...

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 02:06:29 -0400

xkcdexplained:

In order to feel superior to religious people, atheists reject their God and spirituality.

In order to feel superior to atheists, the man in today’s comic equates them to those they feel superior to.

In order to feel superior to the man, the female in the comic makes a sarcastic remark about his opinion.

In order to feel superior to both the male and the female, the Author created a comic to mock them both.

But who gets to feel superior to even the Author?

In order to feel superior to XKCD guy, TDI have explained this comic facetiously.

In order to feel superior to them, I used the word “facetiously.”

xkcdexplained: The content of a University’s homepage is...

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:36:38 -0400

xkcdexplained:

The content of a University’s homepage is different from what people want it to be, except for the full name of the school.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold the bottom of the barrel.